As a new parent I have fears. I'm sure all new parents do. Some plague my dreams. Some I obsess about every night. Some just pop up occasionally.
The monitor: Every night before I go to bed I have a moment of panic that the monitor will break, the battery will die (came close once), OR the volume turns off and I can't hear her (that did happen once). If you have been to our house you know our bedroom is downstairs and pretty much on the complete opposite end of the house. Brynn has a very healthy cry but I'm not sure if it would carry that far. Every night before I go to bed I think "why didn't I run down here when she was crying to see if I could hear her?" I just never remember. There was one morning I woke up, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and thought "Wow this is the first time I've woken up before her." So I go grab the monitor to see if what she's doing (it's a video one) and she's rollin around. I put my ear up to the monitor and no sound!!!! I run upstairs convinced I'm going to find her screaming but she's just talking and looking at the ceiling. I check her face thoroughly to see if there were any dried tear tracks running down but it seemed fine. It took me a while to calm down. I need to test out the distance of her cry. . that might help me relax. I also have a little faith in the animals that they would be agitated and wake us up but they're lazy.
The tub: So apparently I have a subconscious fear of Brynn drowning. I've had several dreams about her dying in the bathtub. In reality it is really scary how fast they can turn and suck in water. It would only take seconds for them to stop breathing. There have been a few times she's turned her head or rolled to the side, with me looking right at her, and sucked in water. It scares the crap out of her and apparently creates nightmares in my subconscious!
My clumsiness: If you know me well you know I'm accident prone. Now pair that with carrying around a fragile little baby and it scares me a bit. I'm constantly tripping, stumbling and bumping into things. So far no permanent damage to either of us. But I have stepped on her, poked and scratched her. My biggest fear is going down the stairs and tripping over the cat and not being able to catch myself.
Life in General: Then there is the general fears I think all parents go through. Am I doing the right thing? Did I make the right choice? Should I have done something different? And of course the big "WHAT IF?" Sometimes all those questions overwhelm me and it makes me fear the future and how she might turn out. I know logically I'm doing a really great job as a mommy and she's happy and chubby. . I mean healthy :-) I'm sure it will all be fine in the end but I can't help but worry about this amazing little girl we created and wanting the best for her.
